| so raise your glass up high... |
[26 Jun 2008|12:45pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 rejuvenated |
] |
we're through with bitter alibis. here's to new beginnings that smile at what we're worth.
shout out how you feel, listen to yourself, throw away pieces. your unresolved crash course will depend on me. reckless with a purpose. work towards a life worth living right
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| Sitting by a fire on a lonely night... |
[15 May 2008|10:25pm] |
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mood |
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 distressed |
] |
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music |
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Forever- Papa Roach |
] |
Telling you goodbye each night at the hospital is tough. Hanging up the phone late at night is tough. Backing away and letting you get the rest you need is tough. Not clinging is tough. Waiting is tough. These days I fill my time with mindless tasks. I cook for my friends. I clean and organize everything in sight. And I take care of Gussy *so he doesn't "forget" you* But these things don't always alleviate the strain of the day. Which, as you guessed it, is...tough. You always tell me that I'm a strong little girl. But I'm desperate for you now. And I can't wait for you to get healthy and come home. I hate sleeping alone. Somehow your loud snoring is comforting to me. It's too quiet here without you. This room has never seemed so big....
"It's been a helter skelter romance from the start"
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| Love is a battlefield |
[24 Apr 2008|07:35pm] |
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mood |
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 hopeful |
] |
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music |
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RobotChicken |
] |
Dear self,
This is what you wanted all along, and you know it. Stop being so afraid to let him know how you feel! This is what it's all about.. trusting somebody enough with your heart to trust that they aren't going to crush it. Eventually you're going to have to get over your fear of being hurt.. why not start now?
♥ your more reasonable self
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| check me out |
[07 Jan 2008|08:26pm] |
| What Erica Means | 
You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone.
You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together.
At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.
You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something.
You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense.
You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun.
You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.
You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.
You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.
You are very open. You communicate well, and you connect with other people easily.
You are a naturally creative person. Ideas just flow from your mind.
A true chameleon, you are many things at different points in your life. You are very adaptable.
You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection.
You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive.
You have the classic "Type A" personality. |
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| only fables have morals... |
[16 Nov 2007|11:10pm] |
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mood |
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 pleased |
] |
I've learned that sometimes people look at the superficial and don't bother looking for something a bit more substantial. Everyone's perspectives are different. It makes us who we are and how we think. We are our past. Friendship is often a mirror we put up in front of ourselves and admire what is reflected back. Things are rarely what you imagine them to be looking in. Spurious advice I'm sure, but last night I ended up in one of those "ponder this" modes.
What else did I learn? I learned that you can't rest on your laurels for too long. You put something down and it won't be there when you decide you have time to come back to it. It's the same with people.
Some mistakes have to be repeated. Over and over. Sometimes we'll learn from them, sometimes we'll ignore them. They're there for a purpose. Maybe if only to make us think occasionally.
I learned that hindsight isn't all it's cracked up to be. "Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia; dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts, and recycling it for more than its worth."
Emotional changes and personal gain are sometimes the same thing. You don't appreciate it until it's too late. You come out the other side of it and wonder what you were meant to have learned from it. Was there a moral? Unlikely.
No matter how hard you try, sometimes it isn't enough. Sometimes things are worth fighting for. And sometimes you should just leave well enough alone. If you ever manage to find out how to tell the difference let me know.
I learned that taking enjoyment from others is one of the ties that bind us all. Sometimes it's good, and sometimes it's bad. Worrying about things that are out of your control is useless. I need to learn to deal.
All in all, it's been an interesting and educational few days for me. Some things I didn't know. I remembered some things I had forgotten. And I felt some things that at the time seemed foreign, but in the morning light turned out to be old friends with different faces.
And, what's the moral of all of this? Only fables have morals.
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| sloppy kisser rant!!! |
[15 Nov 2007|09:14am] |
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mood |
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 silly |
] |
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music |
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Cocktail on tv |
] |
After making a careful survey, consisting of a number of men whose company I enjoy, I've come to the very sad conclusion that men just don't know how to kiss. Kissing is important, guys, and a really key part of convincing a girl that you're fun to be with.
What’s the key difference between the hot guys out there that aren’t getting any, and those rather plain guys that have several girls sighing and swooning after them? It’s pretty simple, the way I see it. It’s the kiss. It seems to me that guys either don’t know how to kiss, or just don’t care to do it right. Too many men seem to view the kiss as something on a checklist on the way to getting a girl into bed. Well, I’ve got news for you guys – the way you kiss can make all the difference between “do me now” and “don't touch me”
I guess I consider myself a bit of a kissing aficionado. I like kissing, and I like being well-kissed. Sadly, that doesn’t happen as often as I would like. I’ve kissed a multitude of men in my 27 years. Few were really good kissers, and I could smooch them for hours. Others were pretty good – I was really sad when our make-out session ended. All the other kisses were something I tolerated, even endured. One guy, I kid you not, had two steps – press open mouth to hers, stick tongue out as far as possible. EW! Trust me, the last thing I want is somebody’s mushy wet open mouth laving drool all over my mouth and chin. Think about it - do you really want a woman to associate the words 'soft' and 'mushy' with you?
The first key to a good kiss is your attitude. The kiss is not some home base to be raced to. But neither is it simply a minor step on the way to more. If done correctly, a kiss will make my heart race, make my breath uneven, and have me dragging you to the bedroom. A kiss should never be rushed. Never be just unloaded like a suitcase at the front door. A good kiss should be an exercise in teasing – holding up the promise of that little bit more, until I'm practically begging you to touch me.
Before our lips ever touch, take some time to build up to a good kiss. Don’t spring it on me like some unpleasantness to be gotten out of the way. The kiss starts with your hands, not your mouth. Touch me *but don't grope me* Rub my arm. Touch my cheek. This gives you an excuse to be close to me and makes me anticipate your kiss. And don’t kiss me as soon as you think you can get away with it. You’ll know when I'm ready. I'll lean toward you, trying to line it up. At least the first time, ignore it. Play with my hair or run your finger along my jawline. Move up close. Pay attention. My breathing will become shallow and quick, if I'm really concentrating on kissing you. Take a moment to enjoy the pleasant way I smell, or how soft the skin is on my neck.
And whatever you do, DO NOT open your mouth. A proper kiss starts with lips closed. There’s no reason it should start lip to lip, either. Remember the soft skin on my neck? It’s soft because it’s meant to be kissed. The corner of my mouth is soft, too. Just saying. You’ve chased me to get to this point – let me chase you a little. Kiss anywhere except where I expect you to. There’s no hurry. Eventually let your tongue steal out and just barely brush my lips. If I'm ready for a more open kiss I'll be sure to respond properly. Let me invite you in. Don’t go barging in. It’s not your house. There’s no bonus points for counting each others’ back teeth. Finesse is what it’s all about.
Now there’s some variation here that you have to consider. Some people prefer soft kisses, almost mushy. Warm and soft, like pillows. Others lean toward tighter lips and firmer kisses, or somewhere between the two extremes. If you sense my lips getting really tight, you’re too mushy. And if I go really soft, you’re probably so firm you’re hurting her. Adjust until we're both on the same level. Everyone has a different place where they feel comfortable. Every kiss is different for a reason.
Another thing to be aware of is taste. Everyone knows to avoid the onions before kissing. But don't just avoid a bad taste - go for the good taste! Get yourself some Orbit. Bad breath will get you nowhere. Definitely not a second kiss.
If you start your kiss with some anticipation, and build it slowly, pay attention to my cues. That's the key. PAY ATTENTION!!!
Now who's coming over for some practice?!?! Anyone? Anyone? lol
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| too dirrty to clean my act up! |
[03 Oct 2007|10:28pm] |
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i'm on a mission to find a cop outfit for halloween. a dirty cop at that. tried one on at party city but it didn't even zip over my boobs. and i don't have any! may have to hit up torrid this week. any suggestions?
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| what it is, homie? |
[01 Oct 2007|08:31pm] |
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mood |
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 excited |
] |
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music |
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law and order:svu |
] |
i haven't posted here in AGES!!! actually i haven't posted much of anything anywhere lately. which is funny because i've been writing a LOT the past couple weeks. maybe i'll repost some writings. who knows really.
let's see...what's been going on in my world. work, work, work. broke, broke, broke. threw a baby shower for my friend Kat yesterday. i'm a fun party thrower! don't believe me? i'm having another halloween party this year. or i suppose i should say halloween/bday party. i LOVE halloween. it's my favey!!! need to get a costume. i know what i want it's just narrowing it down to which i want.
new tats in the near future. on my birthday to be exact. a lotus. i like the meaning behind a lotus flower. for those of you not in the know...lotuses are beautiful flowers that grow out of the mud. symbolizing something beautiful and wonderful coming from something ugly. it's also a symbol of regrowth and new beginnings. all things i'm looking forward to.
and on that note...there are more top secret, super exciting things going on. but i don't want to speak of such things too prematurely. so i'll keep you on the edge of your seat. i'll let you in on it in a lil bit ;o) as soon as i figure it out for myself
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| The times we've shared... |
[24 Feb 2007|06:06pm] |
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mood |
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 nostalgic |
] |
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music |
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The Times We Shared- Jeffrey Fisher |
] |
I miss you. Every. Single. Day. Some days are worse than others. Some days I only remember the happy times. The good times. The days filled with smiles and laughter. The nights spent watching movies and staying up all night talking. I miss that. I miss you being there. Right there. Beside me. In front of me. Behind me. Just being with me. I think I miss your hugs the most. Holding me tight. Whispering in my ear. Telling me the things you don't want anyone else to hear. Our own little secrets. I miss you.
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| What to do, what to do... |
[20 Dec 2006|08:36am] |
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mood |
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 sleepy |
] |
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music |
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*gus eating in the kitchen* |
] |
True peace of mind comes from feeling happy and secure on the inside, so keep that in mind as you work out what stays and what goes this coming year
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| Ladies of the evening... |
[10 Dec 2006|10:57pm] |
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mood |
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 content |
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music |
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Intervention on A&E |
] |
Here's to all those girls who used to be his number one. The ones who waited all night for him to call, only to check the caller ID the next morning and be disappointed. The ones who made it through that bitter break up, dried your own tears, and moved on with your life, only to have him walk back in it months later like nothing ever happened. Those of you who cried on the first day you talked again because you knew exactly where this phone call was going. The ones who listened to him say, I only want to be your friend, one day, and the next, listened to him say how much he loves and misses you. We deserve something, and this is our tribute. Here's to the ones that took him back, hoping that maybe this time, he was different, hoping that maybe people really do change. We listened to our friends tell us that we were stupid for even thinking about giving him another chance, caught shit from our parents, and even snuck around to see him for a while. We went through the great stage with no fights all over again. We started this out thinking it would be just friends, and ended up falling in love with him again. We wanted nothing more in the world than to hear him tell us he loved us too, that even though things were bad in the past, they would be different this time. And when we finally heard it, it was like we were dreaming. This is for us. Here's to the ones who believed what he said, sat around all over again waiting for a phone call that might come in a few hours, or a few days. Here's for the tears cried and dried all over again. We wanted so desperately to believe that he was really busy, he couldn't possibly call us at that moment, or even that he fell asleep early. We trained ourselves to believe the lies because we wanted to believe we had found the one for us. We learned to SETTLE for someone who didn't treat us the way we should be treated. Here's for the ones who did their hair and make up and put on their prettiest earrings, only to hear him say that he couldn't see us today. The ones who never believed it when people told us there might be someone else. We just couldn't believe that he could do this to us again. This is for those great girls, who loved him more than words can say, and took him back no matter what happened last time because they couldn't bear to look back on their lives one day and wonder "what if". Here's to the girls who couldn't cry to their friends because of how stupid they felt. The ones who held it all in when things came crumbling to pieces again. This is for the ones who couldn't bear to even tell their mom what was going on, for fear of an "I told you so." The ones that could just TELL that they had made a mistake ever allowing him into their hearts, their beds, and their dreams again. We knew that we deserved better the entire time, that we deserved a guy who would call when he said he was going to, one that would come see us whenever he got the chance, one that would really care about us. We just wanted the one that we loved like that. Here's for the ones that FINALLY realized that he never gave a shit about them. Here's for the time that he broke your heart again. This is for those days spent trying to hold back the tears, and the tears that turned into anger, then disappointment. Here's for us girls who finally realized that we deserve better. This is for those confusing days, when you miss him, and want nothing more than to hear his voice, or feel his arms around your waist. Stay strong, and remember that relationships are like broken glass, sometimes it's better to leave it alone rather than try to put the pieces back together and get hurt. Remember the times you cried, and how long it took you to even be able to look at another guy like that. When "your song" comes on the radio, turn the station. When the day comes that he realizes what a mistake he made and tries calling, turn your phone off. When he tries coming to your house, don't answer the door. Think of the broken promises, and the lies, the manipulation and the tears, the wasted moments and staying up all night wondering where the HELL he was. Think of how your heart used to jump when your phone would vibrate in the middle of the night, and how it fell to your stomach when you saw it wasn't him, and realized that once again, he hadn't called when he said he was going to. One day, you'll find a guy who's worth all the tears, but he won't make you cry. You may think that you'll never care about someone like you did that guy that you always ran back to, but you will. It's gonna hurt like hell, and it's going to need time to heal, but the point is, it will heal. Here's to you.
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| Here's to goodbye |
[13 Aug 2006|10:29pm] |
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mood |
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crushed |
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I can't believe this is all happening now. After 7+ years of friendship. All over ONE night. All over....All. Over. Never thought I'd have to say those words.
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| Dance, dance |
[11 Aug 2006|09:04pm] |
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mood |
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 worried |
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My Horoscope for Today:
Your planet Pluto is playing out personal dramas in the sky. The energies are complicated and there isn't an easy way to navigate through the complexities. One inner voice tells you to hold your breath and remain motionless until the stress passes. The other voice tells you to run like the wind. Neither of these is good advice. You are better off listening to the music and dancing to it the best you can.
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| Hey momma rock me |
[10 Aug 2006|03:02am] |
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mood |
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 drunk |
] |
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music |
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Wagon Wheel- Old Crow Medicine Show |
] |
Did you seriously just throw a chair at me?!?! You KNOW it's time to go when baby's mama shows up, throwing "Skank"s out like they're terms of endearment. And then procedes to throw a white plastic chair at you. LOL LOL LOL
Other than that, it was a good night. Hanging out with the stalker. Drinking free beer. Consuming some sort of "summer bee", although I'm not quite sure what that means. Meeting up with old friends. Seeing some good ones. Fun times, fun times.
I need to get ready for work. I need to go to the bank. I need Starbucks. I need a bagel.
The End
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| It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss |
[07 Aug 2006|03:25pm] |
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mood |
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creative |
] |
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music |
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Hit It and Quit It- Cleverin |
] |
You do realize that HE invited YOU over. And HE showed up at YOUR house on your birthday. And HE spent the night there when YOU asked him to. And HE slept next to YOU. And HE remembered that conversation from a few months ago that was the first time YOU spoke to him in forever. YOU need to face the facts: maybe your stupid little girl crush might have ended up being reciprocated.
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| Sex and Candy |
[06 Aug 2006|07:31pm] |
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mood |
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bouncy |
] |
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music |
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NB3- Sunshine |
] |
Can I tell you how I'm entertained by the porn industry?!?! First of all, the majority of porn is funny to me. I can't help it. Walking through the Lion's Den, I'm thinking to myself "Where the hell is THAT supposed to go?" Because I know I have no orifice on my body that will house such an enormous object. Secondly...the videos should be used for critiquing ONLY. I remember back in junior high when Deanna and I found one of her mom's porno videos "hidden" under the couch. So we pop it in the old VCR and proceed to watch. Laughter ensues. It's funny!!!!! Don't get me wrong, I enjoy a good time as much as the next girl. Ok so maybe a little more. But some of the stuff in videos is ridiculous! So many fetishes and weird things people are into. Feet and girl on girl and animals and toys and crazy sex swings with nipple clamps. Whatever you can think of. I'm pretty sure we even saw a video called "I Fucked Your Grandma" SERIOUSLY??? Who's into that? Ok...nevermind. Please don't answer that question. LOL
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| I haven't forgotten you, old friend |
[10 May 2006|07:51pm] |
I feel like I've abondoned my trusty friend LiveJournal. It's all because of the evil MySpace that I haven't updated in two months. Please forgive me...
Cinco de Mayo was FABULOUS!!! Lots of my worky jerky pals came over for some fajitas, margaritas, Coronas and sangria. As did Todd and his new girlfriend Nikki. It was such a great time. Started the shindig around 730. Ate some food and drank LOTS of beverages. Me, Todd, Nikki, Ruth and Lia headed to Victory's for some Cleverin goodness around 11. Another great show by my favorite lil local band. Rocked out entirely too hard. And tried to keep Ruth from tearing Kustio's pants off. LOL. Funniest thing I've seen in a long time. Ruth, a soon-to-be Youth Minister, drunk off Long Islands, tugging on the pants of the lead singer...all the while yelling "take off your fucking pants!" Funny!!! Ew and Amanda was there. I REALLY wanted to hit her. HARD! But she stayed in the back where her skank ass belongs. I walked passed her on my way to the bathroom at one point and got all close to her. But I just walked passed. It was hard not to punch the whore in her face. But I suppose I'm better than that. Although it would have been great fun. I assure you.
And on that note, I'm going to get a drink, some din din and chill out for the night. Talk to you lovelies later!!!
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| Hot, hot, hot, sweat, sweet... |
[02 Mar 2006|03:57pm] |
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mood |
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 happy |
] |
Terry made me a present. My new icon!!! Look how hot my boyfriend Ryan Reynolds was in Blade:Trinity. All down on his knees. Shirtless and shackled. YUMMY!!!
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| Too close for comfort, too cold to hold |
[23 Feb 2006|04:52pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 discontent |
] |
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music |
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*Oprah show* |
] |
Sometimes, Ms. Oprah Winfrey, you hit a bit too close to home. I completely *well maybe not COMPLETELY* understand what those women were talking about today. Disgustingly and not yet willing to talk about it. But...yeah....I get it. Whole-heartedly. I get it.
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decemberreign's journal
lonely